using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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