i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
