I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
