i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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