i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Houston, we have a blender
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
