My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
