I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
