I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
