Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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