Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
