Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
