Already got asked if we're dating
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
