dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
