well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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