i can't believe i had my finger in that
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
