you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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