You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
