no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
