what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
