So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
