I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
