are you so shy because you have an std?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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