just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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