whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
