I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
