My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
