I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
