it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everyone says I win the strip club
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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