I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
