i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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