so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
