do herpes really smell.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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