You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
