I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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