what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
no you cant smoke seaweed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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