I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
