i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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