i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
