Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
