He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
