If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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