So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
