Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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