i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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