the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
