This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
