My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
