Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
