Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
