Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
