Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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