Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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