I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
