I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
