shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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