Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize