It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
