It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
