I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If its not for food we ain't going out.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
