I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
it hurts more in the daytime
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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