Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
