Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
