just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
