6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
