I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
