i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
