i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
His nipple licking is glorious
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