Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
