At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize