the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
