You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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