I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
