Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Randomize
