are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
