You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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