At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
