When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
