Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
