oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My ATM looks so different sober.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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