You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
