mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
