He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
