Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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