I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
