Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
