chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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