Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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