it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
