I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
